she Belongs With her Sir (Day 117)

6-11-15 Thursday
she was looking for another Dom. That’s changed, she isn’t looking anymore. It’s not that she found one, it’s not that she has her Sir back. she realized something.


she loves her Sir deeply. she knows that he isn’t hers anymore. (Stop rubbing it in… i’m being serious.) That’s fine, she has to accept that. she was wrong, she saw that talking to someone else was displeasing her Sir and she continued to do it. she’s sorry. she knows that all her friends are scowling at her right now. Maybe alot of people are scowling at her right now, but she’s glad that she can’t see it. she wants another chance with her Sir. she’ll be alone, she won’t take another Dom. Sir Brian had said to her that her Sir was good for her at one time and that she’s grown with him. she missed her Sir so much that she cried. she keeps bursting into tears randomly. Well, i couldn’t call it bursting… it’s more like streaming tears silently.

her Sir wouldn’t talk to her in private messages anymore. He doesn’t trust her and he said that’s her fault. she sent screenshots of her conversation of her Sir to someone because she wanted help in how to deal with it. she was wrong. she didn’t understand that at the time, but she was. she’s very sorry. she’s learned and she won’t do it again. He posted on her story and it had hurt her, so she deleted them. A woman had posted on her story that this is ridiculous and she deleted that. her Sir wouldn’t message with her and so she blocked him, she blocked that woman too just in case she had something else to say. she didn’t read that woman’s message, it just didn’t look supportive with the first sentence and it was long. she unblocked her Sir after maybe a half hour. she explained why she deleted his messages and why she blocked him. she said that she really misses him and asked him to call her. He said that he would call her and she was happy, but it took him a really long time for him to call her. she felt like an idiot waited for a call from someone that dumped her and doesn’t even trust her, but she didn’t stop waiting. she’s willing to be stupid, she’s really, really stupid, please forgive her. Do you remember when her Sir scolded her really badly about a month ago? He told her that she wasn’t a child and that he shouldn’t have to send her to bed. That was like tearing her heart out and ripping it to shreds, she felt rejected. That’s the same thing that her husband had said to her when she had tried to submit to him. she’d never opened herself to anyone this much before and it hurt just as much as when her mother had died. she forgave her Sir for that, she hurt for a few days afterwards and she worked to build trust again. she did that. Now she’s asking that her Sir forgive her. she’s not saying that she deserves it, but she would like for that to happen. her Sir called her. He talked to her for 45 minutes and for 45 minutes his words hurt her. she apologized at least 10 times. she’d never said “Sir” so much in a conversation in her entire life, she’d have kneeled if he told her to. she knew that he didn’t forgive her. While on the phone with him she deleted that story about looking for a Dom. He is her Sir. He keeps saying that SB is her Sir and that he won’t get in the way of that. His words hurt her at every turn, but she’s here. she’s apologizing. she had permission to talk to SB, she had permission to talk to other Doms, but she’s sorry anyway. she knows that maybe her Sir will comment and it will hurt her again, all she has is pain. she doesn’t feel that she or anyone deserves this type of pain, but she’s here. she’s grown with her Sir, she’s never done as well as she has while she was with him. You say that he’s hurt her and that she should let him go, but you don’t see his pain like she does. she understands what she’s done wrong now, but he won’t accept her apology. He says he loves her, but he rejects her and that’s okay, she just cries again. Nothing is worth anything, nothing is worth doing, and maybe her pain is nothing compared to what he feels and that’s why he keeps hurting her. Maybe she will leave EP, maybe she’ll never blog again. Is that what he wants? Now she has to say Goodnight. she doesn’t have to, she has no Sir, but it’s near the bedtime that she used to have. she hasn’t eaten lunch.. she hasn’t eaten dinner. Even waking up dead is better than not having her Sir. she just wants to sleep, she’s not even sleepy, but this day needs to end. she’s a very bad sub, why else would he not want her? Maybe she’ll think better tomorrow, this apology didn’t turn out like she wanted.

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7 thoughts on “she Belongs With her Sir (Day 117)”

  1. rose don’t you understand , you chose another dom maybe a half retired do or what’s the term a de facto dom but a dom never the less. I will not stoop so sb tactics and I can not interfere in your relation ship with him I got a message from some one that you contacted and sb found out about an verbally abused that person. And you blocked him .any sane person would see that you already have a dom.i have big trust issues now. I am deeply sorry and yes I hurt but I will recover like you I am looking but im much more careful now.im sorry I could not and will not become involved with sb dbsm ideas there his he can do as he pleases as a foot note the person that you contacted did mention that you old him you were scared to death of sb. im so sorry and feel deeply sadden for you .but you and sb have to work out your life togather . I suggest you allow your husband in your life

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    1. Sir, with all due respect. rose does NOT have another Dom. If you are referring to her kneeling…. well yes SB had her kneel one time…only ONE time. Why? Because he read that she LOVES kneeling and he knew she would be nervous talking to him and he wanted her comfortable. But he knew she was YOUR sub. And as for her saying Sir…. well it may have escaped your notice Sir, but raregem has been trained to be respectful and call YOU Sir. You didn’t seem to object or feel raregem was submitting to you, did you Sir?

      And as far as scooter the cross dressing switch (he’s a submissive and a Dom) he was trying to lock rose in as his new sub. rose was getting confused so raregem email him and told him to leave her alone and cool his jets. He then got condescending to raregem and started putting raregem down and saying that rare was trying to be rose’s Domme. Apparently HE told rose to let raregem be her Domme and that ticked rose off and rose blocked him. NOT SB!!!!

      Your friend scooter further told raregem that he’s spoken to rose for months and months… Hmmmmmmm who allowed that SIR???? So YOU allow her to talk to cruel men as a game, and feel threatened by SB??? Oh and that crap about rose being scared of SB, well scooter told raregem that rose was scared of HER!!! raregem didn’t even dignify that with an answer.

      OH and raregem DID give SB her password and ID, why? Well it’s none of your business, it was between he and raregem. And raregem DID go to SB upset with how scooter was treating her, and SB did go on raregem’s account and he DID say one thing to scooter…. talking about him wearing dresses…. apparently that’s a sore subject to SB..lol.

      This cockamamie story you got that SB is rose’s Dom is laughably ridiculous.

      YOU didn’t want to step up and protect your sub, YOU allowed her to play with different Doms, YOU released her to be alone, and YOU have been brutal to her ever since.

      raregem is SHOCKED! rg really thought you was a nice man and a good Dom. You had some learning to do, but who doesn’t?? But raregem had NO idea you would be hateful and mean. Your friend DiaLeigh left a hateful message on one of roses stories, not sure why you took her out of your circle, but rg had hoped it was because you realized it was unfair and unfounded cruelty.

      rose loves you, she still loves you. Please treat her better, she WAS a good sub to you. rose wasn’t the selfish person you claimed her to be, she loved you deeply Sir.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. * raregem meant to say she messaged scooter, NOT email…. she thankfully doesn’t have that person’s email.

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      2. as a foot note I hopr rg and sb are aware that roses husband is a drunk with a raging temper to keep her safe its good idea to text and see if he is home or use ep before calling her. He can be very violent and she told me he is getting suspicious of who she is talking to just trying to help and keep her safe

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  2. at this point this has gone too far . when I allowed rose to talk to other people I was testing her to see if there was any relationship between her diet sense her sugar was stabilized and her ocd,she had ground rules to follow and I was very proud how well she was doing.she followed every rule and I praised her for . it does seem her sugar does have some effect on her ocd.
    that being said I have reasons for things that I do. not one of you bothered to ask me why I allowed this . as time went on I noticed more and more that from her blogs that she increased referring to sb more and more . I have a business to run im not on line every waking moment’
    sb did tell her to talk to and she did but not open like she should have been. she wanted les but stricter rules I did that she refused .said we will start over .I considered that . but sadly it never came to that point .as was willing to start fresh even when she refused to submit to the punishment she desired. I was willing to help her an continue until I checked her ep and discover she was was talking to sb on a different e-mail ,RED flag what is she hiding I only checked her other e-mails one time in 4 months ..and never looked at her face book or twitter. The e-mail pw she gave me was the one she used between her and Brian.
    I was shocked ,hurt ,amazed disappointed .and deceived by her she lost all of my trust. From that she asked me for advice and I gave the best I could give her in the e-mail she thought it was funny that she ignored any thing I said. then I see screen shots of out private massages she sent him .that told me that she sharing our conversations .and I wondered if even the intimate moments were shared. then she went further to tell him she was manipulating me, getting out of punishment .I would guess she used her family problems or lying about husband being there how would I know.
    half way thru that e-mail my heart sank .

    let me address this both you and rose came to believe that the only way a man can be a Dom is by following Brian’s way of doing things and treating a sub the way he would .rose is so taken by him now that she will listen no other but him .
    every dom and every sub is different all of you blame every bit of this on me and none if you bothered to talk to me about it.
    Briand sent me his last message telling me that every sub will add Sir before or after every sentence and this is bdsm protocol , the next sentence is her not into bdsm any more as he is a Christian
    why would that be import why even tell me that im not into bdsm and I donr believ rose is but now I don’t know. and he said he will talk to rose on Skype I could care less at that point as far as I know he already had been or not .
    he felt it necessary to correct me about my spelling I suffer from adult dyslexia and my spelling reflects that ,
    as for being mean im not don’t wish to but all 3 of pushed me into a corner .rose made it every ones business with her ep post. and all I have heard is how I failed well brains advice didn’t help but confuse her .she was convinced his way is the only way.
    rose blocked me and took me out of her circle when I saw I was blocked I removed her from mine . I will never be comfortable again talking to her in messenger im sorry she violate my trust by sending our private messages to brian .she follows his every word and as far as scooter, brains actions were those as a dom plain and simple no mater what he said rose had already blocked him. I did ask rose if she was afraidd of brian her answer was yes she only answered me because she cant lie

    her friends seem to be bust bad mouthing me have any of bother to try to get her to eat any thing and get back her eating schedule

    this has to end I can never be her dom again rose is a grown woman and should be permitted to find her a good dom with out your interference.
    don’t think I don’t care because I do and I care if she is ok we both are hurting and all these post and messages are only keeping the alive rose and I both need time to heal from each other

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    1. What part of Sir Brian isn’t her Dom and raregem certainly isn’t her Dom don’t you get?!?! If YOU are worried about her maybe you shouldn’t have left her without a Dom.

      If you still feel a sense of responsibility to rose maybe YOU need to deal with that within yourself or with her.

      If you keep living in your fantasy fine….just leave raregem out of it.

      Liked by 1 person

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